How Old is Too Old

I love my mommy, but she sure does confuse me sometimes.  We were out walking so I could go potty.  LuLu and Izzy had already had their walk.  Mommy always cleans up after us, so she was carrying the bag with their poop, waiting for mine.  While we were walking, we passed some people.  They waved at us.

Mommy had my leash in her left hand so she waved with her right, which had the bag in it.  She said, "I sure am glad that bag didn't break when I waved to those people.  I'm telling you, Ethel Frances, I think I am getting too old to walk around carrying a bag of poop!"

I wondered what she meant, but I can't talk.  I couldn't ask the question, so I didn't get an answer. I just figured that however old she is and however long she has dogs, she will have to carry around bags of poop.

After we got home, I was resting and all of a sudden I heard Mommy yell, "Izzy!  What did you do?  What is wrong with you?  You don't have to answer.  I will tell you what you did.  You peed on the floor and I just stepped in it!  Why aren't you housebroken like your sisters?  You are too old to be peeing in the house!"

There was that "too old" saying again.  Mommy is too old to carry bags of poop and Izzy is too old to pee in the house.  I know Mommy is older than Izzy because Mommy was a grown up when she adopted Izzy and Izzy was just a baby.  So how can Izzy be too old, especially since she is the youngest in the house?

I wonder what I am too old to do?  I guess I will find out one day when Mommy thinks I am old enough to understand!

Ethel Frances Wants to Know How Mommy Colors her Hair

I already wrote about haircuts, but before I got any answers to my questions about haircuts, I have another question.  How in the world can Mommy color her hair?

Mommy was standing in front of the mirror for a long time.  She was looking through her hair the way she looks through mine when she thinks I might have fleas.  She looks through my hair from the tip of my tail to the end of my nose.  She talks while she looks.  "Oh, Ethel Frances, please tell me you don't have fleas!  I can't cope with them right now.  If you have them, LuLu and Izzy probably do, too.  Please, please don't have fleas!"

Of course I can't answer Mommy because I don't speak English and she doesn't understand Dog Language. It would be so much easier if we were both bilingual.  I could just say, "I don't have fleas, Mommy."  When she finally finishes going through every hair on me, she says, "No fleas, Ethel Frances!  What a relief!"

These are not the words Mommy used when she was looking through her hair.  Instead of looking for fleas, she was looking for gray hair.  From the look on her face, I think she found a whole bunch.   She looked at me and said, "Ethel Frances, my gray roots are showing.  I have to color my hair tonight.  I have to get rid of all that gray."

I had no idea how she was going to fix her hair with crayons!  I know all about crayons because my cousins Ryan and Allison have an art room in their house.  They showed me their crayons -- I bet they have a thousand -- and they showed me how they draw pictures and color them with their crayons.  Their pictures are always colorful and happy.

As I was thinking about crayons, I was trying to figure out how Mommy could use them.  In my mind, I pictured Mommy putting her head on the counter.  Then I pictured her taking a brownish reddish crayon. That was as far as my mind would go.  I just could not figure out how Mommy could color every hair on her head.

 Mommy picked up a box and she saw me watching her.  "Ethel Frances, this is the hair dye I use to get rid of my gray hairs.  See."  She took out everything in the box and mixed them together in a bottle.  The mixture was gloppy and smelled kind of bad.  Mommy put it all over her hair, waited for a while, and rinsed it out.

Sure enough, her gray hair was gone.  I don't know who invented hair dye, but I know my mommy would like to thank that person for making her life easier.  I am sure putting glop on her hair and rinsing it out takes way less time then using crayons on each and every hair.

That means Mommy has more time to spend with my sisters and me.  I would like to thank that person, too!

I Am a Published Author!

Mommy woke me out of a deep sleep.  She was clapping her hands and jumping up and down.  She was making such a fuss that when she called me, my sisters came, too.

“Ethel Frances!  Look!  Your book is on Amazon!”  I cocked my head to the side and drew my eyebrows together.  I always do that when I don’t understand something.  Mommy looked at me and laughed.  She picked up her laptop and squatted next to me.  “Look at my computer, honey.  Right there is your book.  See the title?  Tales From a Tail Wagging Dog.  Amazon is an internet store.  People anywhere in the whole world can buy your book now.  Isn’t that amazing!” And guess what! My book is also available on Barnes & Noble!

I started thinking back to when I started writing, about two years ago.  I love my life and I wanted to share my adventures.  I always talk to my sisters and tell them stories, but I wanted to tell lots of people.  I also didn’t want to forget, so I decided to write.  I wrote and wrote and before I knew it, I had enough stories to put in a book. 

Mommy was a big help.  It was hard for me to hold a pen or to type, so Mommy did my typing.  When I finished the first book, I looked at Mommy with my head cocked.  “Ethel Frances, I bet you want to know how to make this into a book.  Am I right?”  I said yes by wagging my tail.  “I don’t know anything about publishing, honey.  I am going to have to do some research.”  Mommy didn’t mention it again for a while.

One day when Mommy got home from work, she threw the door open and yelled with excitement, “Ethel Frances!  Guess what?  You have a publisher!  You have someone who will make your stories into a book!  Her name is Dr. Joyce Starr.  I first met her a very long time ago.  I decided to look her up on the internet to see what she is doing now.  I was surprised to see that she is a book coach and publisher.”

While Mommy was talking, I started thinking about Dr. Joyce Starr.  I didn’t know anything about her.  In fact, to be perfectly honest, I had never even heard of her.  I went upstairs to have time to myself to figure this whole thing out.  I can’t talk, so I couldn’t tell all of this to Mommy.   She helps me with so many problems, but she couldn’t help with this one.  I finally decided that since I trust Mommy, and Mommy trusts Dr. JoyceStarr, I would trust her too.

Mommy went on to tell my sisters and me that Dr. Starr agreed to edit and publish my book.  She suggested that Mommy buy a new camera to take pictures for the book.  We all got a little tired of having our pictures taken, but Mommy said that Dr. Starr needed lots of pictures. 

The day Mommy got the first copy of my book, she almost broke the front door down when she got home from work.  “Girls, girls!  Look!  It’s here!  Ethel Frances, look at your book.”  We ran over to Mommy.  All three of us were wagging our tails with joy.  Mommy held the book up, and right on the front is a beautiful picture of me with my favorite stick in my mouth.  Under the picture is the title, “Tales From a Tail Wagging Dog.”  Under the title is my name, Ethel Frances; under my name is Mommy’s name, Marcia Miller.  It is the most beautiful book I have ever seen! I can’t wait to share my life! 

A great big thank you goes to Mommy and Dr. Joyce Starr for believing in me!! 

You can find my book on Amazon!

What is a Haircut?

I was so confused. This past Friday morning began like all Fridays.  We had breakfast at 5, waited for Mommy to get ready for work, and then had our walks.  When we got home, Mommy put up gates to confine us to the living room and dining room.  She always does that when she will be away for a long time. I think she wants to keep us out of the kitchen; not to keep us in the living and dining rooms.

Mommy comes home from work early on Fridays.  She always reminds us right before she leaves the house. Not this past Friday.  Mommy said, "Bye, girls.  I am sorry but I won't be home early today.  I am going to a get a haircut right after work.  Then I have to go to the store before I come home.  I will give you an extra treat so you won't get too hungry. Please take good care of the house. I love you!"

Out the door she went.  My little sisters, LuLu and Izzy, and I started talking as soon as Mommy left.  We were trying to figure out what a haircut is and where do you get one.  I am pretty smart, but I only know two things about hair.  One is that Mommy is forever sweeping and vacuuming our hair (which is really fur) because we shed a lot.  The other is that Mommy is always talking about how her hair looks. The only things I know about cuts are they hurt and they bleed..

My sisters and I couldn't figure out what Mommy was talking about.  We decided to take a nap until Mommy got home.  When Mommy finally did get home, she was very late.  She took us out to pee and started unpacking the bags she brought home.  LuLu, Izzy, and I went in the kitchen and stared at Mommy. We noticed that her hair looked shorter.  How did that happen?  Did someone actually cut her hair?  Did it hurt?  Did it bleed?  Who did it?

Since we can't talk, it is hard to ask Mommy questions.  We did figure out that if we cock our heads to the side and draw our eyebrows together, Mommy knows we don't understand something.  So that's what we all did..  It took Mommy a minute or two to notice us, but when she did she started to laugh.  "Oh, my girls! What is wrong?  Why are you staring at me like that?  What is it that you don't understand?  I so wish that you could talk!"

Usually I can get my thoughts across to Mommy with facial expressions, whines, barks, growls, and tail wagging; but, not this time.  All I can say is whatever happened to Mommy's hair must not have hurt. Mommy was very happy.  She bent down to give us kisses and when she stood up she said, "So girls, do you like the way my hair looks now?  I got a haircut today and I am very happy with how it looks."

We all looked at each other and smiled.  Then we looked at Mommy and wagged our tails as fast as we could so she would know that we liked her hair, too.  I guess we will never really know what a haircut is and where you go to get one.

I try to learn something new everyday.  Today I learned that haircuts don't hurt!

We Took Turns

I had the best day today.  Mommy and I went to the Home to visit my friends.  We went to Sophie's room first.  Mommy knocked on the door.  We heard Anita tell us to come in, so Mommy opened the door a little bit.  Valentina opened it the rest of the way to let us in.  And what a greeting we got!

Valentina is so cute.  Most dogs I know wag their tails when they are happy or excited.  Valentina wags her whole body.  The wagging starts at the tip of her tail and she wags all they up her back to her neck.  And that's what she did when I went into Sophie's room.

The people were happy to see each other, too, but they don't wag.  They just hug.  What a boring way to express happiness!  Valentina and I like to chase each other.  We ran circles around Sophie.  Valentina likes to pull my ears and I like to pull her legs.  We are careful not to hurt each other.  While we were running wild, Valentina and I heard Sophie say the word banana.  We stopped running, hoping that banana was for us.

Anita said, "I will give them the banana."  Oh boy!  Valentina and I looked at each other, smiled, and ran to sit right smack in front of Anita.  While she was peeling the banana, I was drooling.  I tried not to, but I couldn't stop the drool from pouring out of my mouth.  It got all over Anita's skirt.  It was gross, but she didn't seem to mind.  Anita broke off a small piece of banana and gave it to Valentina first.  I sat and drooled while waiting for my turn.  As soon as Valentina had her piece of banana, Anita gave me a piece.  Anita fed us pieces of banana until it was all gone.

Mommy and Anita both said they were so proud of us because we sat nicely, waiting for our turn.  Neither one of us tried to grab the banana out of Anita's hand.  All of a sudden, I heard the crinkle sound of someone opening a cup of yogurt.  I looked at Mommy and Anita. They had no food.  So I looked at Sophie and saw her opening yogurt.  I love yogurt and Valentina does, too.  This time we ran and sat in front of Sophie.  She handed to top of the yogurt cup to Mommy and Mommy held it out for Valentina and me. We took turns licking the top and when Sophie ate all she wanted, we took turns licking the cup.

Sophie, Anita, and Mommy were laughing a lot.  They thought we were funny.  Valentina and I talked about that.  At first, our feelings were hurt because people were laughing at us.  Then we realized that they weren't laughing at us.  They were laughing because they were enjoying watching us.  We made them happy! Valentina and I agreed that we are lucky we are are friends and happy that we have each other to talk to.  Valentina is my best friend.  I hope you have a best friend, too.

Mommy's Day Off

July 31 did not start out very happy, but I am glad to report that it had a happy ending. The day started like all the other days. We got up at 5 a.m. and had breakfast and then Mommy got ready to walk us. I have two sisters. LuLu is a Rottweiler/Border Collie mix and Isabel Victoria (we call her Izzy most of the time) is a Jack Russell Terrier. Mommy always takes LuLu first, then me, and then Izzy.

 It was my turn and I was excited because I love going for walks with Mommy, especially when I have her all to myself. So out the door we went. I had a bounce to my step and my tail was wagging very fast. I was sniffing around while I was walking and all of a sudden I heard my mommy's voice. It was not a happy sound. In fact, she was growling. I couldn't believe it. What was wrong on such a beautiful day? "Come on, Ethel Frances! Hurry up, Ethel Frances! What's your problem, Ethel Frances?"

What is my problem? What was Mommy's problem? Unfortunately, I can't talk so I couldn't try to talk to Mommy and ask her these questions. Mommy acted grumpy the whole time. While we were walking, I was wondering if Mommy knew that she ruined my time with her.  The grumpier Mommy sounded, the more upset I got. I started thinking that Mommy was going to ruin my whole day!  Then I got kind of worried because Mommy loves going on walks with me. Maybe Mommy was grumpy because she was sick.

I started to tell LuLu and Izzy about the walk, but before I could, I heard Mommy's voice again. Sometimes Mommy talks to herself because it makes her feel better to say her problems out loud. I heard her say, "What a rotten way to start a day off. I don't have to go to work today, but I have to leave early in the morning anyway to take my car to get an oil change. Grrrrrrrrrr."

When I realized why Mommy was grumpy, I wanted to help her feel better. "Hmmm. What could I do?" I knew exactly what to do. I ran over to Mommy and did a little dance in front of her and wagged my tail as hard as I could." I knew Mommy would understand me even though I don't have words and I was right!

Mommy leaned down and hugged all 90 pounds of me. She hugged me and kissed and scratched my back. She said, "Thank you, Ethel Frances! You always make me feel good. I was grumpy because I have to take the car in early on my day off. I am not grumpy anymore because you showed me that I should be happy.  Now I realize how lucky I am to have a job and to have a day off. I will be home much earlier today than when I work. I will have the whole afternoon to be with you and LuLu and Izzy."

And that's exactly what happened. It is almost time for dinner now. Mommy got home a long time ago and she took us for walks and played with us.  We even took naps together! So my day today was a good one. I hope yours was, too.

Ditched Again?

Last Sunday, Mommy took me to visit my friends at the Home.  When we got to the door, I started sniffing around and wagging my tail as fast as it would go.  Mommy looked at me and smiled. "Ethel Frances, is Valentina here already?" she asked.  I can't talk so I couldn't say yes.

Instead, I started walking as fast as I could, remembering that I am not allowed to pull Mommy. We got in the elevator and my tail was wagging like crazy.  Mommy started laughing.  "Ethel Frances, I can tell from your tail that Valentina is here.  Isn't it great that you can tell me things even though you can't talk!"

We got off the elevator and went right to Sophie's (Anita's mommy) door.  Mommy knocked gently and I heard Anita (Valentina's mommy) say, "Come in."  Mommy opened the door and I pushed past her.  "Valentina, I'm here and I am so happy to see you."

"Ethel Frances!  I am happy, too.  I have been looking for you since we got here."  I can't talk to Mommy, but I can talk to Valentina.  We both speak Dog Language and we totally understand each other.  We started chasing each other, running circles around Sophie.  I like to bark when I play, but I try to remember that sometimes when I bark Valentina gets scared.  Anita said that since Valentina is a guide dog, she was taught not to bark. Isn't that interesting.

Valentina and I played while Anita, Sophie, and Mommy talked.  After a while, Valentina's' Daddy, Frank, showed up.  When it was time for Sophie to go eat lunch, it was time for the rest of us to go home.  Frank, Anita, Mommy, Valentina, and I all rode in the elevator together.  When we got outside, Frank said to Mommy, "I am going to take Valentina to go Potty.  I can take Ethel Frances, too."  Mommy said thank you to Frank because she has good manners and I trotted off with them.

At first I was happy to be going for a walk with Valentina and Frank.  Then I remembered something.  Last time Mommy gave my leash to someone, she left me with that person for a long time --four days!  I got scared and started to whine.  I love Valentina.  She is my best friend.  But I love my mommy more.  Was she ditching me again?  I took two steps back to give me room to pull and I pulled Frank has hard as I could.

I know I am not supposed to do that, but I just had to know if Mommy was ditching me or if she was waiting to take me home.  All of a sudden I heard Mommy call out, "Frank!  Just drop the leash before she hurts you."  Just when Frank dropped my leash, Mommy knelt down on the sidewalk.  I ran as fast as I could, right into her arms.  She threw her arms around me and gave me a tight hug and lots of kisses.  I kissed her whole face.

"Ethel Frances, I am sorry you were scared.  I bet you thought I was going to leave you again. Right?  I am sorry you were upset.  I love you so much and I just want you to be happy."

I wagged my tail and kissed Mommy's face again so she would know that I am happy and I love her, too!