Monday, May 27, 2013

I Just Found Out that I'm a Mutt!

My dog mommy is a Labrador Retriever and my dog daddy is a Pointer. I was adopted by my human mommy (I call her Mommy) when I was eight weeks old. The first place we went was to see Dr. Burns at Flower Valley Veterinary Clinic. Dr. Burns hugged me and kissed me. He said to Mommy, "Ethel Frances is very healthy and very sweet. What breed is she?" Mommy answered, "She is half Lab and half Pointer. That is why she is so beautiful." I felt so proud hearing them say such nice things about me.

Now I am seven years old. Mommy talks a lot. When we are out alone, without my sisters, Mommy talks about me. She likes to talk to people we see while we are out walking. Usually they start talking first. They almost always say, "Oh, what a beautiful dog! What kind is she? Is she nice? What is her name?"

Mommy answers, "Thank you. She is half Lab and half Pointer. Her name is Ethel Frances and she is extremely nice. She is a wonderful dog." I look up at Mommy, smile, and wag my tail as fast as I can. That is how I say thank you, since I can't talk. Those conversations were the best -- until the other day.

Mommy was talking to me. "Ethel Frances, isn't it a beautiful day! You are such a good girl and I love you very much!" After Mommy finished talking, she started singing songs that she made up about me. Mommy thinks her songs are great. I don't agree, but I don't want to hurt her feelings so I turn my head to the side and laugh to myself.

We walked down the block and turned the corner, and met up with lady and her tiny poodle. "Oh my," the lady said. "What a big dog you have there. What kind is she?" Mommy patted my head and replied, "This is Ethel Frances. She is half Lab and half Pointer. She is seven years old. How old is your little poodle and what is her name?" Instead of answering Mommy's questions, the lady said, "My dog is a pedigreed poodle. Yours is just a mutt." I heard two words that I had never heard: pedigreed and mutt. I looked up at Mommy and drew my eyebrows together. Mommy knows I do that when I don't understand something.

My sister Isabel Victoria is a Jack Russell Terrier. Both of her parents are Jack Russell Terriers. I always thought it was kind of boring if both parents are the same breed. I thought that being two breeds made me special -- until that lady called me a mutt. I figured out from her conversation with Mommy that pedigreed means both parents are the same breed. Dogs that have more than one breed are called mutts. I have to admit that I do not like the word mutt. It sounds nasty. It sounds like having more than one breed is not good. That lady hurt my feelings.

I stopped listening to that conversation. I hung my head and held my tail still because I was sad. Mommy talked to the lady a little bit more. Then she looked at me and saw how sad I was. "Ethel Frances, you look so sad! What happened? Why are you sad? I know you can't answer me so let me think a minute." She stood and thought for a few minutes. "Ethel Frances, are you upset because that lady called you a mutt?"

I looked up at Mommy, stared in her eyes, and wagged my tail. Mommy understood that I was sad because the lady called me a mutt. "Oh, Ethel Frances. I am sorry that lady hurt your feelings. People shouldn't call people (and dogs) names. Mutt isn't such a nice word. If she had to say something, she should have said that you are a mixed breed. She thinks her pedigreed poodle is better than a mixed breed. We know better, though, don't we. Ethel Frances, in our home it doesn't matter if the dogs are made from one breed or a hundred. What matters is that you and your sisters are sweet and such good girls. Try not to pay attention to people who say mean things. Just remember that you are wonderful and I love you."

Mommy always gives good advice. I hope no one hurts my feelings again, but if someone does, I will just remember that Mommy loves me and I love her!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Izzy Doesn't Listen, but She Does Tricks

There are three dogs in my family. I am the oldest, the biggest, and the best. I have two main jobs: to protect Mommy, and to make Mommy happy. I protect her by barking when someone comes near our house or near us when we are out walking. I almost always do what Mommy says because that makes her happy and I feel good when she praises me.

LuLu is one year younger than me and a little bit smaller. She never listens to Mommy. Someone hurt LuLu when she was little and she is afraid of almost everybody. Mommy just wants LuLu to feel safe and happy in our home. So LuLu doesn't have to obey any commands, but she is not allowed to do anything naughty, like chewing up Mommy's socks. LuLu never wants Mommy to be upset with her, so she never does anything bad; she just doesn't listen.

Izzy is one year younger than LuLu and much smaller. She is so small that Mommy can pick her up and carry her. She doesn't listen to Mommy much. Sometimes she will sit or lie down when Mommy tells her to, but that's about it. And she is naughty almost every day. She is the naughtiest when Mommy is on the phone or cleaning the house or cooking. Actually she is naughty when Mommy does anything that doesn't include Izzy. So Izzy chews up Mommy's socks just to get attention. She even chewed up two pairs of Mommy's eyeglasses. Mommy gets upset and scolds Izzy, but that doesn't change anything. Another problem with Izzy is that she is 5 years old and isn't housebroken. That means she pees and poops in the house. Poor Mommy always has to wipe it up and wash the floor.

Mommy always says she just can't get that dog to listen, but she did teach Izzy to do tricks. Izzy is smart and learns fast, but she only learns what she wants to learn. The first trick she learned is to pick Mommy's pockets. Mommy puts a treat in her pcket and calls Izzy. "Izzy, come pick Mommy's pockets." Izzy sticks her nose in Mommy's pocket and then shoves her whole head in it. After she finds the treat, she checks all of Mommy's pockets. Mommy laughs and tells Izzy she is smart and cute, too. Then to be fair to LuLu and me, she gives us a treat, too.

The next trick she learned is hard to explain. Mommy tells her to do "Rocky, rocky." Izzy puts her back legs out straight behind her so she is half lying down. Then Izzy moves back and forth. She looks like a human baby who gets up on its hands and knees and rocks back and forth just before it learns how to crawl. I have to admit that Izzy looks adorable when she does it. LuLu and I try to do it when Mommy isn't around, but we just can't.

The third trick she learned is my favorite. Mommy calls Izzy and says, "Izzy, do you want to walk on my feet?" Izzy runs over to Mommy. "OK, Izzy. Stand up. Now turn around." Izzy stands on her hind legs and turns so her back is against Mommy's legs. Then Izzy picks up each foot and puts one on each of Mommy's feet. Mommy holds Izzy's hands and they walk all over the house. LuLu and I watch and laugh!

Even though Izzy is the worst dog in the house, in my opinion, she is also the funniest. She makes everyone in the house laugh every single day.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Have You Ever Tried to Spit Out Grass?

Going on walks with Mommy is one of my favorite things. When Mommy says, "Ethel Frances, do you want to go outside? Want to go for a walk?" I get so happy. I jump right up and run over to Mommy, waiting patiently while she puts my leash on me. Sometimes we go out the back door and sometimes we go out the front door. I like to go out the front door. I keep my favorite sticks there and I pick the one I want to carry.

When I have a stick, our walks are perfect. I walk nicely, right next to Mommy. She never has to give me any commands and we have such a good time. Mommy talks to me, even though she knows I can't answer with words, and she sings to me, too. She knows a lot of songs about me and my sisters. I wonder why people made up so many songs with the words Ethel Frances, LuLu, and Isabel Victoria in them. Mommy knows them all.

When we go out the back door, our walks are not as pleasant. Mommy just doesn't understand that if I don't have a stick in my mouth, I will search the ground for something to eat. I really like to eat bunny poop, but for some reason Mommy gets upset when I do. "Ethel Frances," she says excitedly, "don't eat bunny poop. Leave it! How many times do I have to tell you? Leave it!" I leave it, but not until I get tired of hearing her yell. As for how many times does she have to tell me, the answer is obvious -- every time I do it!

I also like to eat grass. It is very tasty and I like the way it feels when I chew it. Guess what? Mommy doesn't want me to eat grass either. Why? She gives me spinach and lettuce at home. They are green, just like grass, but they taste nasty. When Izzy eats grass, she throws it up so I understand why Mommy doesn't want Izzy to eat grass; but, I don't throw up. I wish I could talk. If I could I would say, "Mommy, why can't I eat grass? I really like it. I wish you would explain what is wrong with it."

Sometimes I can get a whole mouthful of grass before Mommy notices. Then when she does notice, I hear, "Ethel Frances, what is in your mouth? Grass? Drop it!" I try to obey. I open my mouth filled with grass, but nothing comes out. Mommy looks at me and says, "If you can't drop it, then spit it out. Now." Have you ever tried to spit out grass? It isn't easy.

I open my mouth wide. Nothing comes out. I turn my head to one side. Nothing comes out. I turn my head to the other side. Nothing comes out. Finally, I stick my tongue out and blow and grass goes flying. Not all of it comes out though. Grass gets stuck between my gums and my cheeks. I blow and blow and move my tongue in as many directions as it will go. When I can't blow any more out, I just hide it so Mommy won't know. What else can I do?

Mommy watches what I have to go through to spit it out. After I have blown out as much as I can, she smiles, gives me a hug and says, "Thank you, Ethel Frances. You are a good girl. I don't want you to eat grass for many reasons. One is that grass is a toilet for dogs."

She didn't have to say another word. Now I understand. Eating grass that someone has used for a toilet is gross and disgusting. I wonder why Mommy didn't say that a long time ago. Oh well, it is gross and disgusting, but to be perfectly honest, I eat grass anyway. I wonder how long it will take her to figure out that if we only leave through the front door, I will have a stick in my mouth and nothing else -- the perfect solution to the grass problem.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Mommy Hurt My Feelings -- and LuLu's, too!

Sometimes I just don't understand my mommy. Ever since we adopted LuLu and Izzy, Mommy has told me that since I am the oldest, I have to be a good role model for my sisters. Truthfully, I had no idea what she was talking about at first, but I learned.

When my sisters were little and Mommy was trying to teach them the same commands she taught me, she would call me to her. "Ethel Frances, come here for a minute, please." Then she would tell me to sit. "LuLu and Izzy," she would say, "Look at Ethel Frances. See how nicely she sits when I say sit. Isn't she such a good girl! I want you to sit just like that when I tell you to sit."

Mommy made me feel so proud. When my sisters learned "Sit", Mommy was so excited. She clapped her hands and said, "Girls, you did it! You are sitting just like your big sister, Ethel Frances." Mommy followed up her praise with treats! I always try to be a good girl and I try to teach my sisters, sometimes by telling them lessons and sometimes just by my actions.

All of these nice, proud, and warm feelings came to a halt the other day. Mommy was getting our dinner ready. It doesn't take very long, but that day I was very hungry. The sight of the bag full of my food started the drool forming. My mouth was getting full and when I got a whiff of that food, all of the drool poured out of the sides of my mouth. I have to admit that, even though I try not to, I do drool often; but, that was the most drool I had ever seen.

"Ewww! Gross, Ethel Frances! Look at all that drool! I wish you wouldn't do that. It is slimy and it is so hard to wipe up. Why do you drool anyway?" Wow! It is bad enough that I have a drool problem that I can't control. Now Mommy hurt my feelings and made me feel a lot worse. I didn't know my drool was difficult to clean up. I didn't know I was gross. I don't even know why I drool, but since I can't talk, I couldn't answer Mommy's question anyway.

As if all of this wasn't bad enough, the next day Mommy was getting ready to go to work. She put her jacket on and we knew Mommy was going to leave us. "Girls, who wants a cookie and a treat?" Mommy always gives us a cookie and a treat when she leaves without us. She came to us with her hands full. LuLu jumped up on the sofa and when Mommy held out a cookie for her, you won't believe what happened. Drool poured out of LuLu's mouth, almost right into Mommy's hand.

Mommy said, "Ewww! Gross, LuLu! I can't believe you are drooling now. I want you to be good like your big sister, but I don't want you to do every single things she does. I especially don't want you to drool." Mommy gave us our treats, kissed us, told us she loves us, and left.

As soon as we heard the door lock, LuLu looked at me with big, sad eyes filled with tears. "Ethel Frances, Mommy hurt my feelings! Now I know exactly how you feel. I didn't drool on purpose. It just poured out. I didn't even know that I am gross. What can we do about drooling and how can we make Mommy understand that we aren't gross?" Now LuLu was crying.

Izzy looked up at us and said, "I am always doing thing that upset Mommy. I chew up her socks, her underwear, her gloves. I even chewed up her eyeglasses. I get in trouble for doing those things. I deserve to get in trouble because I do it on purpose, just to get Mommy's attention. You shouldn't get in trouble for something that you can't control. Maybe I can help get Mommy to understand."

That night when Mommy came home from work, she took us all out for a quick walk. She went in the kitchen and started getting our dinner ready. Izzy winked at LuLu and me and ran out of the room. LuLu and I were so curious about Izzy's behavior that we didn't drool. Suddenly, Izzy started running back and forth in front of us. She ran until she got Mommy's attention. Mommy said, "Izzy, what do have? Bring it! Come! Get over here!"

The more Mommy called Izzy, the faster Izzy ran. LuLu and I were laughing so hard our sides were aching. Finally Mommy caught Izzy. She picked her up and said, "Give it to me right now!" Izzy opened her mouth and let drool pour into Mommy's hand!

Mommy looked in her wet, slimy hand; she looked at Izzy's smile; and, she looked and LuLu and me laughing. "You know, girls, Izzy is too smart. I think I figured this whole thing out. I am sorry I hurt your feelings, Ethel Frances and LuLu. I know you don't drool on purpose. I promise I won't say anything bad about it again. Izzy! I also know that you did just drool on purpose, but you aren't in trouble. I am very proud of you for helping your sisters! Thank you for helping me understand how they felt. I love you all very much. Let's go eat!"

Unfortunately, when Mommy said, "Let's go eat," LuLu and I drooled all over the floor. Mommy kept her promise and didn't say a word about it. That was the best dinner I ever had.

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