How Old is Too Old

I love my mommy, but she sure does confuse me sometimes.  We were out walking so I could go potty.  LuLu and Izzy had already had their walk.  Mommy always cleans up after us, so she was carrying the bag with their poop, waiting for mine.  While we were walking, we passed some people.  They waved at us.

Mommy had my leash in her left hand so she waved with her right, which had the bag in it.  She said, "I sure am glad that bag didn't break when I waved to those people.  I'm telling you, Ethel Frances, I think I am getting too old to walk around carrying a bag of poop!"

I wondered what she meant, but I can't talk.  I couldn't ask the question, so I didn't get an answer. I just figured that however old she is and however long she has dogs, she will have to carry around bags of poop.

After we got home, I was resting and all of a sudden I heard Mommy yell, "Izzy!  What did you do?  What is wrong with you?  You don't have to answer.  I will tell you what you did.  You peed on the floor and I just stepped in it!  Why aren't you housebroken like your sisters?  You are too old to be peeing in the house!"

There was that "too old" saying again.  Mommy is too old to carry bags of poop and Izzy is too old to pee in the house.  I know Mommy is older than Izzy because Mommy was a grown up when she adopted Izzy and Izzy was just a baby.  So how can Izzy be too old, especially since she is the youngest in the house?

I wonder what I am too old to do?  I guess I will find out one day when Mommy thinks I am old enough to understand!

Ethel Frances Wants to Know How Mommy Colors her Hair

I already wrote about haircuts, but before I got any answers to my questions about haircuts, I have another question.  How in the world can Mommy color her hair?

Mommy was standing in front of the mirror for a long time.  She was looking through her hair the way she looks through mine when she thinks I might have fleas.  She looks through my hair from the tip of my tail to the end of my nose.  She talks while she looks.  "Oh, Ethel Frances, please tell me you don't have fleas!  I can't cope with them right now.  If you have them, LuLu and Izzy probably do, too.  Please, please don't have fleas!"

Of course I can't answer Mommy because I don't speak English and she doesn't understand Dog Language. It would be so much easier if we were both bilingual.  I could just say, "I don't have fleas, Mommy."  When she finally finishes going through every hair on me, she says, "No fleas, Ethel Frances!  What a relief!"

These are not the words Mommy used when she was looking through her hair.  Instead of looking for fleas, she was looking for gray hair.  From the look on her face, I think she found a whole bunch.   She looked at me and said, "Ethel Frances, my gray roots are showing.  I have to color my hair tonight.  I have to get rid of all that gray."

I had no idea how she was going to fix her hair with crayons!  I know all about crayons because my cousins Ryan and Allison have an art room in their house.  They showed me their crayons -- I bet they have a thousand -- and they showed me how they draw pictures and color them with their crayons.  Their pictures are always colorful and happy.

As I was thinking about crayons, I was trying to figure out how Mommy could use them.  In my mind, I pictured Mommy putting her head on the counter.  Then I pictured her taking a brownish reddish crayon. That was as far as my mind would go.  I just could not figure out how Mommy could color every hair on her head.

 Mommy picked up a box and she saw me watching her.  "Ethel Frances, this is the hair dye I use to get rid of my gray hairs.  See."  She took out everything in the box and mixed them together in a bottle.  The mixture was gloppy and smelled kind of bad.  Mommy put it all over her hair, waited for a while, and rinsed it out.

Sure enough, her gray hair was gone.  I don't know who invented hair dye, but I know my mommy would like to thank that person for making her life easier.  I am sure putting glop on her hair and rinsing it out takes way less time then using crayons on each and every hair.

That means Mommy has more time to spend with my sisters and me.  I would like to thank that person, too!

I Am a Published Author!

Mommy woke me out of a deep sleep.  She was clapping her hands and jumping up and down.  She was making such a fuss that when she called me, my sisters came, too.

“Ethel Frances!  Look!  Your book is on Amazon!”  I cocked my head to the side and drew my eyebrows together.  I always do that when I don’t understand something.  Mommy looked at me and laughed.  She picked up her laptop and squatted next to me.  “Look at my computer, honey.  Right there is your book.  See the title?  Tales From a Tail Wagging Dog.  Amazon is an internet store.  People anywhere in the whole world can buy your book now.  Isn’t that amazing!” And guess what! My book is also available on Barnes & Noble!

I started thinking back to when I started writing, about two years ago.  I love my life and I wanted to share my adventures.  I always talk to my sisters and tell them stories, but I wanted to tell lots of people.  I also didn’t want to forget, so I decided to write.  I wrote and wrote and before I knew it, I had enough stories to put in a book. 

Mommy was a big help.  It was hard for me to hold a pen or to type, so Mommy did my typing.  When I finished the first book, I looked at Mommy with my head cocked.  “Ethel Frances, I bet you want to know how to make this into a book.  Am I right?”  I said yes by wagging my tail.  “I don’t know anything about publishing, honey.  I am going to have to do some research.”  Mommy didn’t mention it again for a while.

One day when Mommy got home from work, she threw the door open and yelled with excitement, “Ethel Frances!  Guess what?  You have a publisher!  You have someone who will make your stories into a book!  Her name is Dr. Joyce Starr.  I first met her a very long time ago.  I decided to look her up on the internet to see what she is doing now.  I was surprised to see that she is a book coach and publisher.”

While Mommy was talking, I started thinking about Dr. Joyce Starr.  I didn’t know anything about her.  In fact, to be perfectly honest, I had never even heard of her.  I went upstairs to have time to myself to figure this whole thing out.  I can’t talk, so I couldn’t tell all of this to Mommy.   She helps me with so many problems, but she couldn’t help with this one.  I finally decided that since I trust Mommy, and Mommy trusts Dr. JoyceStarr, I would trust her too.

Mommy went on to tell my sisters and me that Dr. Starr agreed to edit and publish my book.  She suggested that Mommy buy a new camera to take pictures for the book.  We all got a little tired of having our pictures taken, but Mommy said that Dr. Starr needed lots of pictures. 

The day Mommy got the first copy of my book, she almost broke the front door down when she got home from work.  “Girls, girls!  Look!  It’s here!  Ethel Frances, look at your book.”  We ran over to Mommy.  All three of us were wagging our tails with joy.  Mommy held the book up, and right on the front is a beautiful picture of me with my favorite stick in my mouth.  Under the picture is the title, “Tales From a Tail Wagging Dog.”  Under the title is my name, Ethel Frances; under my name is Mommy’s name, Marcia Miller.  It is the most beautiful book I have ever seen! I can’t wait to share my life! 

A great big thank you goes to Mommy and Dr. Joyce Starr for believing in me!! 

You can find my book on Amazon!