I Was Not Nice to My Mommy - and I Feel Bad

Lately when Mommy and I go for walks, it is not much fun. We used to walk and run and now we only walk, if that's what you want to call it. Mommy goes so slowly that it feels like a step and a stop and a step and a stop. My four legs have a hard time walking slowly enough to stay next to her when she says, "Heel." Sometimes I try to go a little faster and then Mommy gets annoyed. "Ethel Frances, I said Heel! Remember? I shouldn't have to tell you a million times."

Wow! I wish I knew what happened to Mommy and our walks. That used to be my favorite time because I had Mommy all to myself, without my sisters, but it isn't anymore. After we started our walk last night, I got tired of walking like Edna Louise, the neighborhood Shih Tsu, with her little baby steps. I looked at Mommy and backed up and took off running. Mommy couldn't hold on to the leash because I am as strong as an ox -- whatever that means. I just hear Mommy say that when she talks about me. I ran in circles, careful not to go in the street and while I was enjoying myself I heard my mommy yell -- and I do mean yell -- "Ethel Frances! Ethel Frances Miller! You get back here right now! Do you hear me? You better get over here or else..."

I did go over to Mommy but not until I was finished running. I ran and sat in front of her and I smiled and said with my face and tail, "Here I am Mommy. I came to you just like you wanted." My mommy is smart and she knew I was trying to make her think I obeyed her. What she said next surprised me and made me feel bad. She said, "Ethel Frances, I know you miss our fast walks and I know you miss running but my legs hurt right now and I just can't do it. I will get better and we will be able to do those things again but it might take a little while. Do you understand me, Honey?"

As soon as I heard Mommy say "hurt" I felt bad. I know what that means because last week I walked over to Mommy on three legs instead of four. She said, "Ethel Frances! What happened to your leg? How did you hurt it?" She rubbed my leg and took me to the doctor and I got medicine that tasted very good -- and it made my leg feel better, too. So I understand about legs that hurt. When my leg hurt, Mommy helped me. When her legs hurt, I was not nice. I looked up in Mommy's face and leaned against her and my tail was pointing down instead of up and it was still instead of wagging. "Mommy, I am sorry your legs hurt and I am sorry I didn't listen. Will you forgive me, Mommy? Please will you?"

Mommy bent down and gave me a big hug and kiss. "I know you are sorry, Ethel Frances, and I forgive you. Let's go home and have dinner." We went home, slowly, and Mommy put our dinner in our bowls. She gave me mine first and then she went in the other room and gave LuLu and Izzy theirs.

While she was in the other room I noticed she left her dinner on the counter. I could smell it and it smelled so delicious. I thought for a minute and I said, "Ethel Frances, you are already in trouble so you might as well go ahead and eat her dinner!" And so I did.

You can probably figure it out the rest of this story for yourself so I won't go into any details, but I will tell you that it wasn't very pretty. Next time I will try harder to be good.

I Was a Good Girl -- But It Wasn't Easy!

Mommy and I went to the Home today to visit our friends. Mommy says they are our friends, but they are really my friends. They only talk to Mommy to be polite because she is the person who takes me to see them. Anyway, we had a nice visit and when we were almost at the door to leave, I saw my friends, Miriam and Marissa, sitting at a table in the Conservatory. I gave Mommy a pull on my leash so she would know that I wanted to say hi to my friends. It worked and we went right into the Conservatory.

Miriam and Marissa were excited to see me. They called me over and they hugged me and patted me and hugged me some more. When Marissa put her face down to mine to kiss me, I kissed her back and I tasted food! My stomach was so excited. I backed up a little to see what was on the table and there it was: Lunch! Marissa had a cheese sandwich and an orange. I guess Miriam was finished eating because all I saw in front of her was orange rind and I don't like to eat that because it is bitter, but I certainly do enjoy eating cheese sandwiches. The bread on the sandwich was light brown and I know that means that the cheese was soft and gooey.

I got real close to Marissa again, waiting for her to lean down to give me a hug and kiss. That would be my opportunity to grab that sandwich right off the table. Then I remembered something. One other time when we were leaving the Home, Miriam and Marissa were sitting outside eating their lunch. Marissa had a cheese sandwich that day, too, only the bread was white and the cheese was hard. I know the cheese was hard because I was naughty. I walked right up to Marissa and grabbed that sandwich right out of her hand and ate it. Mommy was angry and I think she was embarrassed and disappointed, too. I remember the look on her face when she told me how shocked she was that I did that and she said Marissa wouldn't have anything to eat the rest of the day. I was sad about that. I have to admit when I snatched the sandwich I wasn't thinking about Marissa at all. All I was thinking about was my mouth and my stomach and how good they would feel if I ate that sandwich.

Today I am happy to report that since I took the time to think about the last cheese sandwich episode, I decided to be good. Mommy saw that sandwich, too, and she remembered, too, and she helped me. "Ethel Frances," Mommy whispered, "Please don't touch Marissa's lunch, OK? Remember the last time? I want you to just pretend like you never even saw that sandwich. OK, Honey? I know you can be a good girl, Ethel Frances."

I looked at Mommy, and then at Marissa, and then at that cheese sandwich and I gave Marissa a big, slurpy kiss and pulled on my leash to leave. Mommy understood me even though I can't talk. She said, "OK, Ethel Frances. I know by that pull that you are ready to go home and I know you want to leave before you change your mind and grab that sandwich. You are the best girl and I am lucky to be your Mommy."

When we got home Mommy told my sisters how good I was at the Home and she gave all of us a treat! I love my life!

What Is a Kiss?

LuLu had another problem. She came to me and said, "Ethel Frances, you are such a good big sister and a good teacher. When I came to you with my drool problem you helped me and now I can drool, too. I have another question now. What is a kiss?"

"What is a kiss?" I repeated. She nodded her head and continued. "Mommy calls me to come up on the sofa to sit with her. I love to do that. I sit right next to her and she hugs me and pats me and scratches my back. I love when she does that and I can feel how much she loves me and I lean against her to show her how much I love her. Then she leans forward until her face is practically touching my lips and she says, "Give me a kiss, LuLu." Then she makes a weird sound with her lips on my cheek and she asks for a kiss again and I don't know what to do. So Ethel Frances, can you please tell me what a kiss is?"

Poor LuLu. I had to put my head down so she wouldn't see me laugh. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but now I understand what has been taking place on that sofa. Here is my side of the story. Mommy loves us and she shows us all the time. Izzy and I love to kiss Mommy and we kiss her until she has to wipe her face dry.

LuLu doesn't do that and I didn't know until today that the reason is she doesn't know what a kiss is. I see her get on the sofa with Mommy and Mommy puts her face up to LuLu. LuLu just sits there staring into Mommy's eyes as if to say, "Now what?" Mommy gives LuLu lots of Mommy kisses, which are different than doggie kisses, and those kisses do make weird sounds. "Give me a kiss, LuLu. Please. Don't you love me, LuLu? Come on. Just give me one little kiss. Please." And LuLu just keeps staring. "Oh, LuLu. Never mind. I love you anyway."

I feel bad for Mommy because I can tell that she is sad that LuLu won't kiss her so I either have to teach LuLu how to kiss, or explain to Mommy that LuLu wants to kiss her but doesn't know how. I decided to start with teaching LuLu.

"LuLu, honey, I think I can help you. I really think I can teach you how to kiss, just like I taught you how to drool. OK?" LuLu smiled and nodded her head and suddenly the answer to LuLu's kissing popped right into my head! "LuLu," I said excitedly, "Get me a spoon out of the sink, please. You are taller and it's easier for you, OK?" She gave me the spoon and I said, "LuLu, pretend there is peanut butter on that spoon. What would you do if Mommy held out a spoonful of peanut butter to you?" LuLu stuck her tongue out and licked the spoon.

"That's it, LuLu! That is exactly how dogs kiss. When Mommy kisses she makes weird noises with her lips on our faces but when dogs kiss, they just lick. Do you understand, LuLu? Do you want to try it out on my face before Mommy's?" LuLu leaned forward and gave me a big "kiss" all the way up the side of my head. Then she did the same thing to the other side. And she kept on practicing until my face was all wet. We both started laughing and laughing and suddenly we heard Mommy at the door. "LuLu, do you want to surprise Mommy with a kiss?" She didn't answer.

Mommy opened the door and said, like she always does, "Girls, Mommy's home! Did you miss me? I missed you!" We went running to Mommy like we always do only this time LuLu got there first. She jumped up on her hind legs, put her paws on Mommy's shoulders, and leaned in and gave Mommy a big, wet, sloppy kiss! "LuLu," Mommy squealed. "You kissed me! You really kissed me for the first time in all of these years. You made me so happy. Thank you, LuLu!" Mommy gave LuLu lots of her kind of kisses and a big hug and when Mommy came to greet me, LuLu gave me a big smile and we both started laughing again.

Mommy didn't know why we were so happy but she started laughing, too. Who would have thought that teaching a dog what a kiss is would be so funny and would make everyone in our house so happy!

I am NOT a Cow

Sometimes I don't understand my mommy.  We were out walking on a beautiful morning and I walked onto a big area of long grass, my favorite kind.  I like to eat grass and when it gets tall, it is delicious.  So I grabbed a mouthful and while I was enjoying munching that grass, this is what I heard:  "Ethel Frances, what are you doing?  What are you eating?  Are you eating grass again?  Drop it?  Why are you eating that?  What do you think you are -- a cow?"  Wow.  She really spit out a mouthful that time and even though she was angry, I kept on chewing that delicious grass.

Not only did Mommy keep fussing at me, but either she forgot that I am a dog or she thought I forgot.  This is what I heard next:  "Ethel Frances!  Are you still eating grass?  Didn't I tell you to drop it?  If you don't, you will get a tummy ache and you will vomit!  Stop eating grass!  Are you a cow or a dog?"  I am glad I can't talk because I have no idea how to answer those questions.  All I know is I am a dog and I like to eat grass.  Is that such a big deal?  Just because I eat grass doesn't mean I'm a cow.  I love to eat mommy's food, too.  When I eat her food, does she think I am a person?  Of course she doesn't so why, when I eat grass, does she keep asking if I'm a cow?

I would also ask her what vomit means.  I never heard that word and I love to learn.  Well, in order to make the rest of our walk pleasant, I did what Mommy said and I spit out the grass.  That wasn't so easy because some long pieces seemed to be stuck to my tongue.  I had to stick my tongue all the way out and push it against my top teeth and then drag my tongue across my teeth into my mouth.  That worked.  The long pieces fell out onto the sidewalk.  Mommy looked me right in the face and she could see that I did indeed spit out and drop the grass that I was enjoying so much, just to make her happy.  She said, "Thank you, Ethel Frances!  You are a good girl for dropping that grass.  I know you like to eat it but it will make you throw up and I don't want you to feel bad and I don't want to clean it up!"

I thought about everything Mommy said about cows and dogs and grass and I figured out that vomit means throw up.  I found out I was right when it happened just after we got home.  I started gagging on a long piece of grass, and out it came -- with my breakfast.  Mommy came in when she heard me gag and she said, "Oh no, Ethel Frances.  That grass did make you vomit.  Let's go outside so you don't throw up all over the house.  OK, honey?  Don't be afraid.  You will be fine as soon as the rest of the grass comes up."

Mommy stood with me until I was finished and she wiped my face and gave me a big hug.  "Do you feel OK now, Ethel Frances?"  she asked so gently.  I wagged my tail and gave her a kiss and ran in the house.  "Guess what, Ethel Frances.  You got better just in time for dinner!"  As I was eating my dinner, I decided that eating grass wasn't such a good idea after all and I might as well just leave it for the cows.